1. The beginning of my relationship with Mattie, circa April 2008.
2. My arrival and subsequent first week at NYU, circa late August 2008.
3. The RENT Finale B party at the Life Cafe, September 5, 2008.
What the hell am I doing with my life? What is going to show up and make me happy, or how am I going to make myself happy? Because this isn't working. Yes, I love being here, and I have some great friends, but on a general basis, I am not happy. I miss him, and it seeps into every ounce of my being. It's subconscious and out of my control. I keep trying to let it go, and letting it go just means I can't control it. I don't know what to do.
Why am I so fucking lonely? Dammit.
