Oh my god. Tonight might be my last night in this bed. That thought just occurred to me, and is incredibly strange. As excited as I am to move into Gramercy, I think I'd be pretty happy living in this room for the next three years.
You know, college was a dream for so long that now, even though I've been in college for the last eight months, it still feels kind of like a dream. Like I could wake up any minute and still be in high school. But I'm not. Not only am I not in high school, I'm basically almost a sophomore in college. I'm not in blue group anymore.
It's been an incredible year. I think I've mostly documented it in pictures rather than words, which I hope I don't regret later. I have just been often afraid of thinking long enough to put my thoughts into words on paper or on screen, afraid that I would get caught up in emotions, as I have been a lot the past few days, or even weeks, really. Even my mom, who has been waiting for me to come home since I left, said the year went by pretty fast.
I'll be 19 in a week. Add that to the list of strange things about May this year. That, and the friends I'd want to celebrate with will by then be scattered all over the country; some still in New York, but some on the west coast, some on the east, and everywhere in between.
The end of this year is seeing a lot of new things, and transitions, which I always have a hard time with. I usually come out okay, but I have difficulty going in. This is that time where you're in a place that you know soon you won't be in anymore, and there's that weird sense of knowing this is fleeting, even though in this moment, it's still here. Like right now, I'm sitting at my desk in my room, a room that I may never enter again after Thursday or Friday. Strange.
So I took the time to put down these few timid thoughts. Now I might brave bed. I've been feeling in the last week or so that since I have so little time left in the year, that I shouldn't sleep at all, but should be savoring every last hour of my time here. Yet I've been so tired, and sleeping more than usual, because I can. Every time I go to sleep I'm worried I'm missing out on something I should be doing. I've done so much in this city, and still in every moment I worry that I'm not taking advantage of it enough.
I love it here. I finally feel like I'm where I belong. I wish it would last forever. I finally appreciate every day, and almost every moment. Life is really becoming 'no day but today.'
