12:01, or Whatever.

My best friend's dad died yesterday. Well, at least, the father of the person  I've been calling my best friend for the last four years died yesterday. He hasn't really talked to me since I left for college. I keep trying to talk to him, but I don't really get a response. In early December his dad got sick. I told him I was there for him, whatever he needed. I've sent him so many messages telling him I love him and I miss him and I want to see him while I'm home.

And I do want to be there for him, right now especially, more than anything else in the world. But he keeps not talking to me and I don't know what to do. It's like all my friends are floating away; I don't belong anywhere and I don't know what to do. I don't know who I can talk to since no one will talk to me. I miss my best friends, both this one, the two from college, and the one I lost long ago, who I should just forget, but can't.

I don't think I really believe a new year is a new beginning. I believe when Obama takes office that will be a new beginning. I believe starting college was sort of a new beginning. But the change from 11:59pm on December 31st to 12:00am on January 1 makes no difference. It's just another minute passing, in an infinitely long line of minutes. I'm tired of being sad, and lonely, and depressed, even when I'm sort of happy. My happiness is always fleeting.

I love my best friend, but I don't know how to be there for him because he's shutting me out.