(E)Strange(d)

I realized this evening that my ex boyfriend feels like a complete stranger to me. After we broke up, I shut off thinking about him as much as possible. Shortly after, I got back to school, and it was easy to focus on things that had nothing to do with him. But he's coming to visit NYC the week after Thanksgiving, and so we've been talking recently, since he'll be staying here for a while. And while we were talking tonight, I was thinking about what it will be like for him to be here, for us to actually see each other in person. It will be so weird. I feel like I don't even know him anymore. Not that either of us has necessarily changed so much that we're completely unrelatable people, just that he hasn't really been in my life (largely due to my own choices) these past three months. To think I was so close to him this summer and now he's coming here but I don't even really know him... it's weird. Really weird. I'm not really sure who the person is that's coming to visit in two weeks. He certainly doesn't fit into the context of the life I've been living since September.

I'll have to introduce him to my friends. I'll have to introduce him to my boyfriend. Oh, strange. It's always odd to experience people outside of their normal contexts. I saw Brianna once in St. Louis over the summer, and it was so confusing to see her outside of New York and school. This is like the reverse of that. I guess it kind of happened when Victoria and Sean came to visit, but I basically spent all my time with them that weekend and no time with school people, so it still felt separate. Nic coming to visit will no doubt be an integration of worlds because I'm still in school and in fact in tech, so if he wants to see me it will have to be in the context of people I know as my New York people. That's weirder than seeing teachers on the street (that clearly aren't supposed to exist outside of 440 Lafayette).

Right now I should be learning a monologue for an audition I have tomorrow. I've been trying to learn it but my head keeps thinking about this situation, since I just had a conversation with Nic about him coming here in like two weeks. I'm excited to work on my monologue, but it's almost 2:30 in the morning, and my roommates might not appreciate a loud angry voice while they're trying to sleep (Cassandra), do some awful pre-med homework (Afaaf), or mess around on facebook (Shea). I would like to say that I do in fact have more work than any of these people. Shea is almost always sleeping or watching TV/talking on the phone/chatting on facebook when I'm in the room. I think I've mentioned before that she only has class 2 1/2 hours a day four days a week. It kills me. I have that much class on any given Monday or Wednesday. And I also have classes Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday. Plus tech. And homework. And rehearsals. So please, people, stop telling me I can't possibly have a lot of work to do because I'm a theatre student. (Or because NYU is not an ivy league. *coughCARRIEcough*)

I often wonder what it would be like to go to college. I go to theatre school. It's a completely different beast. I only take two academic classes a semester, but I also have eight studio classes (nine, actually, because I'm retaking African dance for fun). I essentially have class from 9-6 on Mondays and Wednesdays and for a decent amount on Fridays. My days don't typically end "on campus" until 11 pm or midnight. Then I can start homework. I also wonder what it would be like to live on a school with an actual campus. This is not what I want; I wouldn't trade going to NYU for anything in the world, but I just wonder what that would be like. I am very aware that I am not getting the "college experience" really, other than living in a dorm and living away from home. (Plus, my dorm has a kitchen and a bathroom. So I'm totally missing out on some crucial communal facilities experiences. Darn.)

This was a really scattered post. I'm going to try to learn how to feel like a badass Spanish peasant woman now. Goodnight.