Meditations In Love

Last night I was in an incredibly painful emotional place. And as the devastating conversation I was having came to an end, I reached a crossroad. I had to decide if I was going to let myself continue to break down all night as I so frequently do when I reach that place. And I decided after an hour and a half of breakdown already, I needed to be done. I refused to continue being afraid of loss, when I could have love. I needed to repair.

And some divine force told me, "If you love, love more."

I went to bed, and I closed my eyes, and laid on my back with my palms face up, and I focused in breathing in love and breathing out love. Floating in a pool of what looked like Felix Felicis, the rare golden lucky potion from Harry Potter. The pool was in a big stone tiled room that looked kind of Grecian. It was silent. I just kept breathing. That was all I could do, was breathe love.

This morning I was working on an assignment for Reinventions of Love, involving articulating my thoughts about love as they related to gender, the self, human biology, one's needs, and society. And I started exploding things about love, and how central it is to everything I believe in right now. Everything I do is about love. Even more, I've cemented for myself even more that I believe there is familial love and then there is all other love. A lot of what I articulated about romantic love I would also say is true for my strongest relationships with my friends. I just have to love, a lot. And I think that's part of why I'm becoming so drawn to theology right now, is because I'm trying to understand how people love, and how I can share my love with the world, how I can say it with my art.

How to say it with art is what an artist is always trying to figure out. But our visions are always changing and growing, so it's hard to articulate when we've found what exactly we are. But I'm stubborn and I want to be able to say what I believe. Though I guess when I can't say it in words, I say it in art. That's what art is. That's what my sermon last summer was about - art is love beyond words.

Share love. Give Love. Spread love. Breathe love.