A Single Bed

Wow... what was the last ten days?

It was mostly a fight with my mom and tech for Maker of Dreams and Maker of Dreams and Spring Awakening rehearsal. I didn't sleep in my room for five days straight. God bless Joel living so close to studio.

This was a looong stressful week. I've been too depressed to even write about how I feel. There was very little time in the last seven days when I didn't feel like I was either going to vomit or cry. I'm still trying to figure out how to have a relationship with my mother that makes us both happy, or at least that doesn't end up with us fighting for a week every month. We resolved things again today, but I still feel like something is wrong. I've been very withdrawn from people this week, and things never go well when I do that.

Maker of Dreams was fantastic. I got to play a character that was so joyous, and I don't think I've ever played someone with so much joy. Well, I was cast as someone who committed suicide in the first three shows I was in, so... But this was my NYU stage debut, and it was amazing. I could gush about Colleen and mushrooms and tea kettles for 20 minutes, but that would only be self-indulgent at this point.

I should get some sleep. That hasn't happened much lately. I'm in my room, and I get to sleep in my bed, though alone. Gotta get up early and finish a model box.

Why is it that sometimes the life of an artist is intensely social, and other times intensely lonely? There is no in between. Whyyy.