Bring Forth

I miss him, a lot. We haven't spoken, or actually communicated at all today except for two text messages. And I only saw him for like two seconds as I walked by to go to class. It's annoyingly painful that one of the worst things is when you can feel just how far apart you are the closer you get to each other. I walked by like I wasn't even there. But I'm trying to give him his space, let him forget about me, if that's what he wants/has to do. Mostly I hope that he'll miss me.

Today I threw myself into work, into my classes, into anything I could think of to focus on and keep busy. It's the free time, the moments alone when I fall victim to floods of sorrow. If I have a project to focus on, I've made it to the point where I can do that at least. But all these moments where I don't have anything to do, like right now while I'm waiting for the house to open for some Playwrights shows, I don't know what to do with myself and all I can think about is wanting to talk to him, wishing he was seeing the shows with me.

I don't know what he's doing tonight. It's bizarre. Like I actually have no idea what he's doing, since he's not hanging out with me, or people I know, or at rehearsal, or seeing a show. Life is so strange right now. And it is very hard not to tell him I miss him and get him to talk to me.

According to the Gospel of Thomas, Jesus said, "If you bring forth that which is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you." Go art, go. Take all of this, all of me, and plunge into my art.