Love, Again

I love him enough to let him go, and have faith that the right things will happen. It still hurts, but I am also joyful that I have enough love to want him to be happy and get what he wants out of life. I hope he discovers that what he wants involves me. But I do not want to hang onto him and make him unhappy. I can take on suffering. I am glad I love. I hurt, I am sad, but I love, and that's what's most important. I'm incredibly lonely but I will keep loving. He is one of my best friends. I can't give that up.

What I have is love, so I must bring that forth.

Love is the most powerful, most important thing in the world. I choose to love. To continue to love. To try to find the joy in my ability to love and the existence of love, even as I am suffering such depression, loneliness, heartbreak.

This week has been a fierce emotional roller coaster. I don't think that will change anytime soon. This is the last thing I think about as I'm falling asleep and the first thought that pops into my head when I wake up, and sometimes even plagues my dreams, in addition to my waking hours. Everything in my life is about this. Never has my life all revolved so much around one thing, this theme of love and its power. Even today in voice and speech, as we were working through our chakras, I got in touch with everything within me and it all spilled out into tears and heaving breath as I tried to work through my monologue (which is, of course, about love).

Great forces are at work.